Chapter Twenty Eight

Elise didn’t move a muscle, even though she had seen and heard Tucker approach from quite a ways down the beach.

Instead, she remained motionless on the boulder on which she sat, the toes of her shoes a few inches above the waves of Lake Superior, a sweater pulled tightly across her shoulders, shielding her skin from a cool blowing northern wind.

Tucker stopped near her, his hands thrust in his pockets, his shoulders hunched, his expression defeated.

Elise wanted so badly to crawl into the circle of his arms and stay there forever, but instead forced herself to remain motionless, knowing there were things to say between them.

He sat – hesitantly – beside her on the boulder, and she shifted slightly to give him more room, neither of them touching the other. He took a deep breath, let it out and then began to talk in that melodic voice she had come to love and crave hearing.

“Sophia and I met when we were in college. A friend of mine was dating her roommate, so we got to know each other through mutual friends. She didn’t know that I was, what do you call me? A logging baron? We just liked hanging out, and we started off as just good friends, even study buddies. Her older brother, though, found out that my family had money and security and started to really pressure Sophia to turn me into a permanent fixture in her life.”

Tucker snorted at the memory, and then continued. “At the time I thought it was because their family didn’t have much money and I would be a safe bet for his little sister’s security and happiness, but it went so much deeper than that. He knew – they both knew – that she was mentally ill. Bipolar disorder, a paranoid schizophrenic, hearing voices in her head – it was all there, but at least in college it was under control with medication and the constant attention of her brother, who managed to cover a lot of her faults, explaining away her ‘quirks’ or covering for her or inventing stories to hide her outbursts, sudden disappearances and general strange behavior.”

“They both figured out I was a good meal ticket, and Steven – her brother – figured out I was someone who could take over the burden of caring for his crazy little sister, a task of which he had grown quite tired. Understandably. I thought I was in love with her, she had professed her undying love to me, Steven had given his blessing, and without much thought of the future or without us having many serious conversations about the future and our future together, I proposed and she accepted. Simple.”

“I think we had been married a month – just a justice of the peace marriage since I had just graduated and was learning the business and was gone a lot – when I came home early one evening to discover Sophia ranting and raving and screaming as though in an argument, but there was no one else in the house. It scared me, but I thought she was just tired, or worn down, so soon after graduation and everything else. But then it happened again, and again, and again. She would have these fits of rage – I woke up in the middle of the night once to her beating the shit out of me, cursing, spitting, everything. After I got her calmed down, I had to drive myself to the emergency room for stitches in my head, a split lip, a twisted wrist and a pretty nasty bruise from a punch to the gut. After that, I became a much lighter sleeper, and learned how to defend myself a little better.”

Elise continued to stare out at the water, hearing every word but not moving a muscle.

“It got worse from there, and I realized I’d made a stupid mistake. Sophia and I hadn’t known each other well enough when we got married, and I’d obviously been duped by Steven into caring for a woman who was not able to care for herself in any way – she refused to take her medication, claiming it made her fuzzy and boring, and she refused any sort of treatment, counseling, anything, and I couldn’t physically force her. Steven, by the way, was killed in a four wheeling accident a few months later, leaving Sophia an orphan with no family and me the responsible party for her care. It wasn’t until years later when I saw Sophia’s complete medical history that I found out her mother had been institutionalized for nearly a decade before her death with the exact same set of mental issues.”

Tucker took a breath, let it out slowly, and then continued. “I thought about institutionalizing Sophia, and even looked into a few facilities here in Michigan, but somehow, I can’t bring myself to. I look at her and I see my own failing as a man – trusting my heart before my head, and believing that I could save someone just through sheer will and determination and doggedness. Because I truly believed that for so many years – I truly believed that through resolve and hard work and enough care, I could cure Sophia, I could make her better, I could bring her back to me, but instead, she just drifted further and further away from sanity, and from me. I don’t even know if she ever loved me, or cared about me at all, but I really did love her, the old Sophia, the one I first met. That part wasn’t a lie.”

Elise nodded, acknowledging that she was hearing him, but remaining silent so he could share the entire story.

“I decided to try and make her comfortable here – not only as a salve on my own conscience and to remind me of my failings ever day, but because being near the water was often the only balm to Sophia’s rages. I thought if I could make her comfortable here, could keep her somewhere familiar, maybe she would get better.”

He paused, and then continued. “She hasn’t. She’s hasn’t gotten better. She’s gotten worse – much worse. What you saw today was nothing. I can’t tell you how many home health care nurses I went through before finding Maureen Williams, who is a miracle worker. She’s been here the longest, and even though Sophia hasn’t improved much, she hasn’t gotten appreciably worse. She’s just…”

Tucker bit his lip, considering then continuing. “She’s never going to get better and I’m just going to have to deal with having her in my life, even though we haven’t been husband and wife in a decade, and I fell out of love with her years and years ago. And I’m not just saying this, Elise, but what I feel for you… it is fifty times more powerful, more palatable than what I ever felt for Sophia. I thought I loved her when we met at college, but now that I’ve fallen in love with you, I know what I felt for her was nothing more than passing infatuation, friendliness and companionship. You… you I love. Her I never did. I know that now.”

Elise bit her lip to keep the tears from spilling down her cheeks, instead nodding again like an idiot.

Tucker wanted so badly to take her in his arms, to beg her to say something, ANYTHING, but instead he remained stock still, just waiting.

He would wait forever if it meant Elise would forgive him, would still love him.

What she said wasn’t what he expected, though.

“She was the one who nearly drowned Betsy, isn’t she?” Elise asked, her voice quiet.

Tucker nodded. “I think so, yes. Betsy doesn’t really remember, but yes, I think Sophia managed to get out and grab Betsy, and dragged her downstairs to the lake. I still don’t know why.”

“You asked me if I saw anything. You asked me that night. You suspected even then, didn’t you?” Elise questioned, her voice hard.

“I wasn’t sure, but it was a possibility,” Tucker said. “But I didn’t bring it back up because I didn’t want Betsy to be afraid.”

“She should be,” Elise said darkly. “You allowed a woman to live in proximity to your niece – your only blood relative – who thought nothing of trying to kill her. She could have killed her, Tucker,” Elise said, her voice flat, too angry to explode. He was playing with Betsy’s life, and that she would not stand by and allow. Not her Betsy. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“I have no explanation, and an apology seems fruitless,” Tucker said simply.

“So the screams in the night… the candle I’ve seen in the darkness outside at night… the near drowning of Betsy, all the other weird happenings… that was Sophia?”

“Usually she’s sedated at night, but she occasionally has a reaction that makes her manic, and she’s overpowered Mrs. Williams a few times and gotten out, yes.”

“You make her sound like a cheetah that has escaped from the zoo, not a mentally ill woman under nursing care.”

“Just so, and probably just as dangerous in her rages,” Tucker said, chastened.

“Jesus, Tucker,” Elise said, sounding disgusted. “How could you risk Betsy’s well being? Or hell, your own? Surely Sophia has come after you, too?”

Tucker shrugged, and Elise took that to be true.

Elise sighed, then stood up, turning to face Tucker, turning her back on the calming movement of the water. “Is there anything else I should know? Any details you’ve left out? Anything else I should know about Sophia? Or you?”

Tucker shook his head. “Only know that I love you. No one else knows this – no one. Everyone here during the Fourth of July? They either never knew I was married or were told Sophia and I divorced and she relocated. I told you because I love you, and because I trust you like I’ve never trusted anyone else. Please believe that.”

Elise nodded. “I do. I do know that. Thank you.”

“But,” Tucker said, sensing her thought wasn’t complete.

Elise sighed. “But, I need a little time. To think, and to process all of this. Can you…”

“Leave you alone?”

“I was going to say take care of Betsy for today so I can… gather my wits about me, I guess,” Elise amended.

“Sure, I can do that,” Tucker agreed readily. “Will… will I see you tonight?”

“I don’t know,” Elise said honestly. “I’ll let you know.”

And with that, she took off down the beach, striding away from him purposefully before he could see the tears in her eyes.

Not just borne out of frustration, anger and humiliation of her own, but out of the obvious pain and mental anguish Tucker had operated under for so many years.

It wasn’t fair – to either of them.

Elise had a lot of thinking to do.

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